Last week I chaired the first day of the two-day Women in Leadership Summit in Wellington.

There were over 80 attendees in the room with only a couple of wāhine Māori. No surprise really; the cost was well over $1,400 per day.

However, what was interesting was the number of questions around confidence.

One woman came up to me during the networking session and said: “I don’t know what was going on inside but on the outside you appeared calm.”

“Yes,” I said, “That’s because I was”.

I was calm because I put a lot of work in the lead up to the summit. I researched the various topics that were going to be covered. I prepared how I was going to introduce the speakers. I engaged with the panelists over email about the questions. I gave some thought to how I wanted the attendees to think and feel and what kind of experience I wanted them to have.

When I turned up on the day, I let go and went with the flow. I trusted myself.

I got lots of good feedback and someone said I owned it. And I did. I felt completely comfortable.

You see when you’re “owning it”, it means that you’re totally and completely at peace with who you are in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud. soft-spoken or other… you’re just you.

Do you ever wonder what it is about some people that makes them so confident? So completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, charismatic energy? I used to wonder too.

And then I did some work on myself.

I’ve been working on myself for a while.

I wasn’t always calm or confident. I used to have a fear of speaking up. I didn’t interview well. I doubted myself. I had a fear of failure. I would have a thousand uncontrollable negative thoughts running around my head like a two-year-old with a tantrum.

Then I discovered a self-coaching model. It’s not mine but I’ve adapted it and put my own spin on it.

This model has helped me to become more aware of my thoughts and feelings.

The model has helped me to be more accepting of myself, to embrace the full range of my emotions and to be ok with it.

I’m ok if things don’t run smoothly or I make a mistake or even if I don’t have all the answers. I just own it.

I’m putting a training together to introduce and teach you how to use the self-coaching model so you can “own it” too.


Watch this space my friend.


To your success.